I’d like to think it all began with a horse… that’s when the big bang began. If I’m honest there had been some (a lot) of nudges before that I’d managed to ignore / side step / laugh off.
I was a typical type A work-a-holic in chronic stress with no idea of what a hot mess I was in. Thankfully the Universe put it’s foot down and forced a rather fast course correction. On October 14, 2017 at around 9.30am I came crashing down, literally, after a dear wee horse finally managed to unsaddle me with a most impressive buck at full canter. He’d been trying all morning mind you. I knew I was going over, I knew I couldn’t stop it.
I heard an almighty loud thundering noise on impact and instantly curled up in fetal protective position self assessing. Yep I’m breathing, awesome. Yep my head hurts like hell, ok. Nothing broken, phew, just sore and feeling like a need to vomit. Ok, maybe I am hurt quite bad. I wonder where. Little did I know at the time of the extent of the damage on my poor wee brain and how my life had changed forever in that instant.
Three days later I was in hopital getting a CT scan when the doctor smiled and told me I had a bad concussion and asked if I would like the rest of the week off. Oh, um, sure ok I thought, seems a little over the top, but ok, why not. Ha, what did I know? 3 months later I started back at work, but only (very) part time, with no idea how long it will take to fully recover. I look pretty normal and for the most part act normal, but things are very much not normal up in my head.
I am only just realising the extent and lasting impact of a concussion and thanking my lucky stars it wasn’t any worse. It’s literally forced me to relinquish control, take a step back. I am now a student of all things calming and relaxing… which is a struggle after 39 years of striving, pushing, working hard. I realised I actually am pretty bad at this chill-out thing.